ANGER MANAGEMENT
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Chris ****. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?”
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right f**in Number!” and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re an Asshole!” and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘asshole’ next to it, And put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an asshole!” It always cheered me up .
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic “asshole Calling” would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from Southwestern Bell. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?”
He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an asshole!”
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black Mustang cut me off and pulled into the spot I had Patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. That’s when I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his Number on speed dial by now) I thought that I’d better call the black Mustang Asshole, too I said, “Is this the man with the black Ford Mustang for sale?”
“Yes, it is”, he said.
“Can you tell me where I can see it?” I asked.
“Yes, I live at 128 Todd Road. It’s a brick house on the north side of the road, And the car’s parked right out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hansen,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I’m home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Sure?”
“Don, you’re an asshole!” Then I hung up, and added his number To my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. I called them both as needed for a week or so and then I Came up with an idea.
I called Asshole #1. “Hello.”
“You’re an asshole!” (But I didn’t hang up.)
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hansen.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Asshole, I live at 128 Todd Road, it’s a brick house on the north side of the road, you’ll see my black Ford Mustang parked in front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better Start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole,” and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. “Hello?” he said.
“Hello, asshole,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”
“You’ll what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well…asshole…here’s your chance. I’m coming over Right now.”
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 128 Todd road to kill My gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang fight going down at 128 Todd road, I quickly got into my car and headed over there. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, and a live news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.
— Appropriated from Cop Humor on Facebook.
@QBall45
