Short Stories

 A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.  They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he  did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her,  calling the payment ‘RENT FOR APARTMENT.’

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price.  So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment.  I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression  that:
#1 – it had never been occupied;
#2 – there was plenty of heat; and
#3 – it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that:
#1 – it had been previously occupied,
#2 – there wasn’t any heat, and
#3 – it was entirely too large.’

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following  note:

‘Dear  Sir:
#1 – I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful  apartment to remain unoccupied  indefinitely.
#2 – As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 –  Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady…

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a Woman.  In a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph wiith herf ace up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. 
I looked away gor a couple seconds… to continue shaving.

And when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup. 

As a man, I don’t scare easily. 

But she scared me so much; 

I dropped my electric shaver which knocked the donut out of my other hand. 

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel,

It knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs! 

Splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. 

Damn women drivers!

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit a suicide,” she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity he asked “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she’s finished, the biker says, “Wow!  That was the best kiss I have ever had.  That’s a real talent you are wasting.  You could be famous Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…
Thanks again for sharing Dad. Appreciate it.

I am about to write a piece that simply needs to be written. I know where it starts. The ending unclear as of yet. However, I know wherever it goes I must write it. Please be advised that what you are about to read may invoke strong emotions. This can not be helped, for it is these emotions that bring on healing. Emotions caused me to begin writing after the death of my grandfather. The Nation’s healing starts today.

Late last night the World received news of the death of Osama Bin Laden. A wicked evil man whom brought great pain and suffering upon far too many is now dead.

I, Like so many others in America, recall exactly where I was on September 11th when I heard the news. The Towers fell. Where were you when the World stopped turning?

Still today, those emotions come flooding back when I think about the horror that was brought down on my beloved Country by the actions of one man. The anger. The outright hatred. The need for revenge. The sadness. The pain. The tears. The empathy for those families who lost loved ones that day. All these emotions and more were felt all across the Nation on that September day.

Do you recall September 12th? I do. I remember the ground swell feeling of National Pride in the Country. The unity of purpose we felt on that day. It was a great feeling. Unfortunately, far too many people fell back asleep and quickly forgot about it all. I, for one, did not fall asleep and neither has our Military.

It was truly the 12th of September that the World, more specifically the United States, was forever changed by the actions started by one man. Some think this change happened on September 11th. No, the Country was in total shock on the 11th.

Today, on the 2nd of May, the day after US Soldiers delivered Justice to Osama Bin Laden on behalf of The United States of America, those emotions begin to well up again. This time the feeling is bitter sweet. For today we have conflicting emotions. Today is a jubilant, celebratory day for the people of the United States. The man behind the largest attack on the United States of America since Pearl Harbor has finally been delivered justice for his actions.

Listening to the news coverage and hearing the chants of USA! USA! USA! brings me mixed emotions. I am proud of our people coming together on one issue. Together with unity of purpose. Celebrating the spilling of blood. The death of a very wicked man. This image in my head has me upset. Not that Bin Laden is now dead, but rather because I recall this same jubilant celebratory behavior exhibited by terrorist extremest when the Towers fell.

Ezekiel 33:11 (New King James Version)
11 Say to them: ‘As I live,’ says the Lord GOD, ‘I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?’

Justice has been done. As the Father in Heaven takes no pleasure in the death, neither should we.

It is not the job of the soldier to judge a man’s evil deeds. It is the soldier’s job to arrange the evil man’s meeting with God. For all shall stand before God and await Judgment.

God bless the United States Military. We are truly blessed to have such fine men and women standing guard that We might sleep worry free. I salute you.

Here I was minding my own business. (Don’t even say it. Yes, I can once in a while.) I was sitting in the booth, next to the counter, eating my dinner having a nice little chat with the guys. It was the typical truck stop diner counter conversation about the weather and where we were off to next. This scene is repeated all across the Country every night of the week.

In through the door comes an older gentleman wearing a sweater and a Indiana Jones type of hat. He had a seat right next to the guy to my right at the counter. As he went to sit he started his efforts to make conversation with the guy to my right. I found this only slightly odd. Not unusual. I think it was the way he went about it that struck me as odd. It felt as if he had rehearsed his “lines” before.

After he sat himself down he started right in with a really odd line. “I suppose you tired after a long day?” Now here’s me thinking “how the heck would you know what kind of day this guys had and really why would you care?”

He then went on to ask a couple more typical truckers small talk type questions. “Are you keeping busy? Are you making any money?” This second question generated as fine response I thought. “Is there any money to be made out here anymore?” The response to this answer was rehearsed and lightning fast. “I suppose not if your putting fuel in your truck. What if I told you I’ve got something that would run your truck for $3 a day?” This generated several cross eyed glances from the rest of us. After he got no response he asked “did you not understand what I just said?”

Less than 30 seconds later the guy to my right got up from the counter, paid his tab and left. I guess he wasn’t going to put up with a conversation such as where this conversation was headed. Had this line of “questioning” been directed at me I might have given this old fart a piece of my mind.

A few minutes later in walks another guy who sat down next to Mr. Motor Mouth. I immediately thought to myself “are you certain you want to sit there?” And it started all over again. This time the old guy in the hat got a bit further in his act.
The story ends up getting to the point that we learned he was pushing a new electric drive system for semi trucks. He went on to explain how his new electric system replaces the big diesel motor that we all have in out big rigs. I had heard more than enough by this point. I could no longer sit there minding my business pretending this conversation wasn’t happening 4 feet away.

I explained that there was simply no way any electric drive would work in an over the road long haul truck loaded to 80,000 pounds in North Dakota when the temperature was 50 below. I was told I must be dumb if that’s what I thought. I said “that may well be however I understand exactly what it takes to move a load in that kind of conditions.” He attempted to continue on about the cost of fuel and the future of American energy being electric driven vehicles. Not listening to what he was saying, I grabbed my hat and stood to leave. Before leaving I gave him the honest answer to Americas energy needs. “What We need to do to reduce energy costs here in the US is to drill here and now for oil and add many new oil refineries.”

Yes, I know electric driven trucks are currently in use by several large metros for their garbage trucks and I recall hearing something about some buses as well. These have worked fairly well for the most part as far as I know. Is this something that would work for long haul over the road trucking? It is my opinion that this is simply not going to work.

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door.

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, “Would you like to buy some peaches?”

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, “are they as firm as this?”

He nodded his head and said, “Yes ma’am,” and a little tear ran from his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, are they nice and pink like this?”

The farmer said, “Yes,” and a tear came from the other eye.

Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, “are they as fuzzy as this?”

He again said, “Yes,” and broke down crying.

“Why on earth are you crying?” She asked.

Drying his eyes he replied, “The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, I voted for Obama and now I think I’m gonna get screwed out of my peaches…
Interesting. Thanks as always for sharing Dad. I appreciate it.

A leap of faith.
There comes a time in every mans life when they must make a leap of faith. For some this never happens. They grow up simply trusting… Believing. For others, the leap of faith is a constant struggle. Will Christ be here now when… The answer is YES.

Trusting in Christ is much like the person on the end of that safety line on a high ropes course. Do you choose to trust that person will catch you if you fall? Or stand there, way up in the air, frozen with fear? What if? What if?

Take that big jump… Both feet off the ground high in the air. Trust that you will be caught when you fall. Because you might. Believe that Christ is there with you always. Not just on sunday morning in the pew at Church.

This is an excerpt from a letter I wrote to my son. He will receive the letter while attending a Teenagers Encountering Christ event.