Ever wonder what Dr. Seusse’s rhymes would have been like if he were a cop? It might look something like this….
Douche-Bags And Thugs
by Dr. Sleuth
I do not like douche bags and thugs,
I would not like to give them hugs,
I do not want to buy them drugs,
or pills, or smack or guns to run,
I would not like to pay their bills,
I would not like to give them frills,
I do not want them next to me,
I’m tired of all of them you see!
I wish they all would get a job,
and not act like a lazy slob,
I wish they would not beat their moms,
or kids, or wives or smoke their bongs,
They vote, they toke and yet today,
They have not yet a bill to pay!!
The Gov. they give them phones and food,
but work is what they must not do,
They sell, they steal, they wheel they deal,
But when confronted, Oh!! They squeal
“You are not right! Your wrong you see!
we’re all just victims, you and me!”
You do not like a single thug?
You would not give a single hug?
I do not like them when they run,
I do not like it, its not fun!
I would take them in some cuffs,
I would take them without fuss,
I would take them in the rain,
I would take them in some chains,
I would take them without fail,
I would take them straight to jail,
Would you put them where its safe?
I would put them safe away!
I would fuel their drunken rage!
I would put them in a cage!
I would douse them with some spray!
I would taze them any day!
You see I do not like douche bags and thugs!
I would not like to give them hugs!
I’m tired of those that cannot see,
that LAW and ORDER are what should be!
We all should live a life of love,
and not be hurt by pushy shoves,
or bitchy-hoes with a cocain-nose,
or those that know Obama blows!
I wish to own a thousand guns,
to stop the ones who love those thugs,
and save a life or two or ten,
when evil comes to slay our kin!
I will not sleep a single night,
till those that kill or hurt or fight,
are all away from me and mine!
and you and yours are safe to find,
a home to keep and call your own,
as AMERICA has always shone!
I will stand and you will see,
There are other much like me!
Who do not like douche bags and thugs,
who do not wish to give them hugs,
but will not hesitate you see,
to do whats right for you and me!
I know what stops a pushy thug,
that’s honest men with lots of slugs!
For slugs you see are thugs worst fear!
… and slugs find thugs smack in their rears!
I sleep at night, so well you see!
For those like you and some like me!
Who risk their life and liberty!!
So safe at night we all can be!
-Via Robert Campbell who shared this on the Cop Humor Facebook page.
