The Bill Of Rights – Liberal Version


Amendment I
Free speech shall only be allowed if everyone agrees with it, or if it fits the agenda of the Democratic Party. Religion shall not be tolerated in our government, unless it is Islam.

Amendment II
You may each have one black powder musket and no more than three lead balls.

Amendment III
Why is this even here? Any case, you can’t stay in someone’s house if you are trying to overthrow the government. You must remain outdoors and wearing blaze orange so that you can be seen.

Amendment IV
Your shit and privacy means nothing. We will take what we want, when we want it. Again, as long as it fits the purpose and agenda of the Democratic Party.

Amendment V
Your life, liberty and property belong to the government. You will speak when spoken to, and must answer any questions asked.

Amendment VI
If we jail you because we don’t like you, tough. A speedy trial will take no more than two years, or however long it takes a judge to finish. The jury will consist of whomever the hell we want and will likely be people that give two shits about being there. There will likely be a couple on the jury with their homeboys in lock up, and they may wear shirts that say “Free dip dizzy whizzle.”

Amendment VII
You can have a trial, but it will cost you if you are rich.

Amendment VIII
The government reserves the right to set bail high as hell and fine the shit out of you.

Amendment IX
This wording makes no sense so we will remove it.

Amendment X
The states have no rights and the Federal Government can and will overrule any and all state rights as deemed necessary.

Borrowed from my Facebook news feed.

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